Awe

Sometimes there are miraculous emotions and feelings that no matter how hard you try, you just can't put it properly into words, but for the sake of this journal, I'm going to try.

The excitement of Christmas Day has been building over the last few weeks, more so for me, then both of my children put together. Because of my upbringing, Christmas was never a big thing and I never experienced the 'magic' or joy of the holiday season. Granted, at the time, it didn't bother me because facts were facts - "there is no Santa, Christmas is the birthday of Jesus Christ and although we don't worship, we can honor that day without gifts." "Christmas is too commercialized as it is."


My husband's childhood was a little different, but due to money constraints, gifts were few and far between.  I guess due to both of our upbringings, gifts at Christmas time is a big thing for us. Every night, after the girls fell asleep, Ray and I wrapped the gifts together.

Yesterday, on Christmas Eve, C, A and I made 2 batches of cookies for Santa. Their innocence and excitement over the whole ordeal, made me cry. I still just can't get over it.

Christmas morning: 7:30 a.m., I'm lying in bed (I know count my lucky stars) and I hear A calling C from her bottom bunk "Nina, can you get up with me" "Nina" "Nina, can you please wake up with me" "Nina" "Nina, can you please wake up with me". Oh my goodness, my poor aching heart! It was so cute! C woke up, climbed down the ladder, turned on the light and played with her sister. Not a word about running downstairs to open gifts, no rushing like mad to wake us up. She let us sleep and played with her toys. About 20 minutes later we all went downstairs and she was thrilled to see that the milk and cookies were gone. Thrilled!

Again, here I am grinning from ear to ear like the Cheshire cat. Watching them, feeling their excitement - there is no better gift. Even when they opened up their presents. Each one was opened carefully, the box was then opened completely, the toy assembled, played with, looked at and then we went to the next gift. There was no "next, next". After the Disney Princess gifts she received, C said, "This is the best Christmas of my life" "I can' believe this, these are all of the things that I wanted so much" "I just can't believe this". As she clutched her hands to her chest and closed her eyes.

 A had a little more trouble opening the gifts "Can you open for me" "Can you do this for me, please I can't do it".  Cuteness overload. We bought her a Cinderella dress to her amazement, and she wore it the entire day.

After today, after spending Christmas together as a family. Laughing, playing, watching - I am in complete awe and wonder. I can't believe that God gave me 2 amazing gifts. I said to my husband, I know most people say this, but our children are truly extraordinary. I can't get over it. I love their souls, I love the people that they are becoming, I love their individuality, I love A's infectious giggling laughter that sends pure joy right through me. I adore C's heart, I adore the way her mind works. Their love and respect for each other amazes me. I honestly don't know how I got so blessed. I feel so honored to be the mother of these two children.

After they fell asleep, I went into their room and listened to their breathing. Looking at them sleeping, I can't believe how much they've grown. It's scary. I'm afraid, it's going to disappear so quickly. Their childhood, these magical moments, their sweet innocence. Time goes by so fast, and I don't want these precious moments to end.


Next year, there will be 3 beautiful souls, sitting on the floor Christmas day. We've been blessed yet again, and I am so incredibly grateful!